4 Tips for a Deeper Connection in Your Relationship
Couples go through many stages. Some are intense and connected, some are stuck in a rut, and others are enjoyable, but lack depth.
Do you find your relationship operates well on the surface, but lacks a deeper connection? If so, these tips will help.
Tip #1: Invest time in your relationship: When you get stuck in the daily grind of life, you might miss valuable chances to have a deeper connection. Set aside a time several days a week of uninterrupted time to connect.
Turn off the TV and unplug all your electronic devices that can be distracting, and put all your focus on your partner. Remember that 20 minutes 3 times a week can make a big difference. It’s not going to change if you don’t put the time and effort into it.
Tip #2: Get to know your partner for who they are today: When couples start dating, they spend tons of time getting to know their potential mate, but over the years they tend to stop because they think they know every thing about each other.
Have you changed since you started dating?….Yes of course! Make sure you take time to get to know who your partner is at every turn in life.
What do they think and how do they feel about things happening around them and in the world? Have their likes and dislikes changed? What pushes their buttons now compared to then? Relationships take a nosedive when a partner doesn’t feel like you even know them anymore, so staying on top of this will bring on a deeper care and understanding of your partner.
Tip #3: Dream Again: Remember the days when you shared your hopes and dreams? Have you stopped dreaming or stopped sharing your dreams with your partner? Sharing your goals and aspirations can bring a new vision to a relationship. It confirms your commitment to your partner and that you want them to walk along side you as you make your dreams a reality.
Make sure the message is clear when you share about your partner’s role in the dream. Leaving them out of it might come across that you don’t picture them as part of it and could look selfish.
Tip #4: Resolve Conflict by Dealing with the Root Issue: When something sets you off, it is important to take a step back and look at what is going on in you emotionally that your partner needs to hear and understand.
If you focus on the surface things like dishes, dirty clothes, or spending habits, your partner may not truly understand WHY you are struggling. Make sure you communicate WHY things bother you in a way they can hear you.
Be vulnerable, not aggressive. For example, “Because we have talked about the dishes tons of times, I don’t feel heard or respected when dishes continue to not get put in the dishwasher. I don’t feel cared for, close to you, or that my opinion is important when this happens.”
Communicating in this deeper way can help your partner know your struggles. This prevents you from coming across as a nag and having blow up conflicts. Be careful to not use the word “YOU” very often, which will invite defensiveness. Use “I feel____” in order to help them truly understand what the surface issues are triggering inside you.
If it seems like there is something that is blocking the connection from happening, you might need to sit down with a qualified marriage therapist to help you sort through things.
Relationships are most fulfilling when you feel connected. Get started on some of these tips and you will be on the road to a stronger and deeper connection!
About the Author:
Teri Claassen, MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group.
Imagine Hope Counseling Group provides marriage, couples, individual and family counseling for adults, children and adolescents. Imagine Hope is based out of Indianapolis, Indiana. Imagine Hope’s desire is to inspire hope for life and relationships, understanding that Hope is one of the most important things a person needs in order to keep pressing on when life gets tough. Teri has specialized experience in helping others in the areas of depression, anxiety, infidelity, communication, addictions and self-esteem.
Having a passion for guiding people towards healthy, fulfilling relationships is Imagine Hope’s mission. To learn more about Imagine Hope please visit www.ImagineHopeCounseling.com or read our blog at www.Inspire.ImagineHopeCounseling.com