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Christian Insights
Thoughts from Deik and Kim's Wedding, for You and Your Marriage
By Douglas Cowan, Psy.D.
Deik and Kim, remember that marriage is a
COVENANT relationship. It is not merely a contract of convenience,
nor a promise to live together as long as each still feels good
about the other. It is a COVENANT to love and care for each other
until parted by death, or until the coming of our Lord.
Throughout history, covenants have been made
between Nations, between Kings and their subjects, between
individuals (as in marriage), and even between God and Man.
When such a covenant was established, there were rights and duties
on both sides, and the covenants were sealed by gifts, by a kiss, by
a handshake, or by the sharing of a common meal.
Today, as DEIK and KIM make their COVENANT of
marriage to each other, you will see and enjoy these elements:
- they will hold each other's hands,
- they will give each other their gifts of rings,
- they will kiss to seal the covenant,
- and they will invite you to share a meal
together with them at the reception.
All because their Marriage is a covenant
relationship of love and faith.
To put this in context, back in Genesis, after the
Fall of Mankind, when God was declaring His judgments, and passing
out the consequences for the deception and the sin, He pointed out
that one of the consequences of a fallen human nature would be that
husbands and wives would have conflict in their marriage
relationships.
As wife would seek to take over the husband's leadership position,
and the husband would respond to the challenge forcefully.
God pointed out to Eve, with Adam right there
listening, that, "Your desire will be for your husband, but he will
rule over you."
Now our first thought might be that God is telling
Eve that she will have a pure love and desire for her husband, but
that he will be some cave man and just want to be the boss, ruling
over his wife. But that is not the sense of what God is saying.
God uses the exact same phrase, the same words, when he is speaking
to Cain in Genesis Chapter Four and warns him that, "Sin is
crouching at your door, and seeks to devour you, but you must master
it."
What God is saying to Eve is that she will seek to
conquer her husband, but that he will respond by mastering, or
ruling over her. As a consequence for their sin, they will not have
the loving marriage relationship that God had originally intended
for them to enjoy.
Now, fast forward several thousand years, and God
gives us the remedy for this problem in marriage. In Ephesians
chapters Four and Five, St. Paul gives us great instruction on how
we should live in society as Christians, what our attitudes and
behaviors should be, how we should treat each other.
He begins this section with these words, "I urge
you to live a life worthy of the calling that you have received. Be
100% humble, and gentle. Be patient with each other and make
allowances for each other's faults because of your love. Always keep
yourselves united in the Holy Spirit, and bind yourselves together
with peace."
He continues with other powerful, life-changing
instructions. And then comes to the place of addressing this
specific problem with marriages that we just talked about. God's
remedy for the problem caused by Eve's self-centeredness, that the
wife would "desire to conquer" her husband, is this…
Paul writes…
"Submit to one another out of reverence for
Christ."
"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the
church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church
submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in
everything."
Submission is God's remedy for a heart that seeks
to be in charge and be in control.
Then, Paul addresses the husband's response of
wanting to forcefully rule over his wife. God's remedy for this is…
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved
the church and willingly suffered and died for her to make her holy,
cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to
present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle
or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
His summary is…
"… each one of you husbands must love his wife as
he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
Paul is telling husbands that they are not to rule
over their wives, but rather that a husband is to love his bride in
the same way that Christ loves His Bride, the Church. And that each
husband is to be preparing his bride for eternity in Heaven.
So Kim, I challenge you to not allow your "inner
Eve" to try to conquer Deik, but instead willingly submit to him, in
the same way that Christ submitted to the Father, and work with him
as the partner and lover that God always intended a bride to be for
her husband.
And Deik, I challenge you to love Kim with the
same intensity of self-sacrificing love that Christ has for his
bride, the Church - never seeking to dominate her, but rather always
working to prepare Kim for eternity.
And I challenge you both as a couple, to use your
marriage to bless others, and to proclaim to others that "God is
Love."
Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who
has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986.
He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family
of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net,
helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each
year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA
International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors
for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of
NewIdeas.net Incorporated. |
