|
Family
"Mom, I'm Bored!"
By Dr. Noel Swanson
Hmmm. How many times have you heard that from your kids?
And what happens when you hear it? Do you feel pangs of guilt and a
sense of obligation that somehow you are failing as a parent if you
cannot keep your children entertained?
These days it seems that boredom has become almost a crime against
humanity. Adults and children alike frantically rush around seeking
some kind of stimulation to stave off the dreaded B word.
________________________________
Passive Forms Of Entertainment
________________________________
Yet, increasingly, we turn to passive forms of entertainment to
achieve that - TV and video games being chief among them.
The result? A whole bunch of kids that are fat and unfit, and at
risk of diabetes and other health problems as they grow up. Is that
what you want for your kids?
So what should you do when your children are "bored"?
It seems to me that you have two options:
1. You can try to keep them entertained. Or,
2. You tell them to entertain themselves.
Now, which of these you choose will depending: is it your job to
give your children everything they want and ask for, as to fail to
do that would be tantamount to deprivation and neglect (after all,
why shouldn't they have the benefits of all that you can provide for
them?)
Or is it your job to train them to become self-confident,
independent individuals who are able to succeed in a complex and
constantly changing modern society?
If you believe the former, then please, go ahead and indulge them
their every whim. Why not? They are your precious darlings after
all, and you want to give them every advantage that you never had
when you were a kid.
The world needs adults who are focused on short term gratification.
People who are driven by their passions rather than their principles
and decisions. Why?
Because these are the people that will be our work
force. Constantly spending their money on the latest gadgets and
fads, they are constantly in debt, and so always in need of a job.
The world couldn't run without people like that.
But the world also needs leaders. People who can think
independently. Who can create and add value to the world. Be they
inventors, designers, statesmen, artists, authors, entrepreneurs,
these are the people who are prepared to think long term, putting
off immediate gratification for a more distant, but much bigger,
benefit.
The workers make the wheels go around, and we couldn't do without
them. But the leaders design the wheels, and the engines to power
them, and the artwork to make them more beautiful. And they reap
their reward in proportion to the value they bring to society.
So, which group do you want your children to join?
Please, don't get me wrong. I am not saying one group is better than
the other - we need both. But what I am saying is that the choices
that you, as a parent, make will influence your children's future.
And none so clearly than in how you handle the Boredom issue.
You see, if you provide them with passive entertainment, they get an
immediate buzz. But when the program ends, the buzz ends. And a big
vacuum opens up. BOREDOM.
It is like addiction to a drug. Desperately they
need another fix of entertainment - and the will do no end of
whining or other mischief to get you to provide it for them.
But what if you don't provide it for them? A vacuum does seek to
fill itself. At first they will do all they can to get another fix.
They will mope around. They will whine. They will cry and tell you
you're the meanest parent in town.
They will remind you that their friend at school,
Billy, has 3 DVD players, 5 games consoles, a nine foot TV screen,
and gets to drink beer too, so why should they be deprived?
You will feel terrible, and will be sorely tempted
to ease their suffering - after all, just another hour on the TV
won't hurt them, will it?
Just like just one cigarette for your colleague who is three days
into abstinence won't hurt him either?
DON'T DO IT! All they will learn is that:
a, if they make enough fuss they can get you to give in,
b, the world does owe them a living,
c, why work towards something, when you can get it the easy way?
This is the kind of thinking that leads to people being in debt and
dependent on the welfare state.
Gradually, as they realize that you are not playing that game any
more, they will start to look around to find other ways to fill the
void.
After about two or three weeks, they will have discovered
BOOKS (remember what they were?), and maybe drawing, painting,
writing, poetry, sewing, football, running, canoeing, karate, as
well.
Another month or two and they will wonder how they ever had time to
be bored!
Now, instead of getting their daily fix of passive pleasure, they
are developing their creativity and their initiative. They are
taking charge of their own entertainment and, as a result, are
learning to take responsibility for their own lives.
And that is the kind of thinking that leads to success.
So, which future do you want for your children? Here is my challenge
to you:
1. Get rid of the TV. You don't need it. It adds nothing to life.
2. Stick the attached poster
http://www.good-child-guide.com/products/bored.pdf
on the fridge. When the children are bored, point them to it and
remind them that staying bored is a CHOICE.
They can either mope about hoping someone will
entertain them, or they can find or create something to do for
themselves. (you will need the free Acrobat Reader to open the
poster:
http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep2.html
3. Get hold of the book, "The Phantom Tollbooth", by Justin Miles. A
lovely children's book about Miles, who was always bored. Read it
yourself and give it to your children to read.
4. If you are struggling with your children's behaviors, and could
do with some strategies for helping them to grow up as sensible and
mature adults, get hold of my ebook, The GOOD CHILD Guide, available
from http://www.marriageadvice.com/recommends/childguide
.
(The attached poster is an extract from the book). This will help
you to be much more effective and proactive in your parenting.
It will be tough for the first few weeks. But after that both you
and your children will find a whole new depth and meaning to life.
Believe me, it is worth it.
-----
For more of Dr. Noel Swanson's articles, his free newsletter,
and his highly acclaimed book, visit
http://www.marriageadvice.com/recommends/childguide
|
