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Marriage Counseling
Relationship Advice: Can My Partner Change? 3 Simple Steps to
Make it Happen
By Margrit Harris, Marriage & Family Therapist
Imagine for a moment…You and your partner living in heavenly bliss…Your home is in peaceful order with the dishes
done, the bathroom fresh and cleaned, your bed made, and the living
room picked up.
You feel serene as the two of you relax on the patio
enjoying a quiet conversation as your favorite music wafts gently
around you. Life is good, your relationship is good.
Sound idyllic? This can be you, you can be feeling
so at ease one with another. And not just every once in a blue moon
when the stars line up just right, but 90% of the time.
Difficult for you to believe? Sure, you spend much
of you time biting your tongue or lashing out in anger because you
wish your partner did this, or you wish your partner did that.
However, contrary to what everybody has told you,
your partner can change. And you can be the one to ‘make’ it happen.
You can get him to stop spending all night watching football.
You can keep her from spending her whole pay check at the clothing
store. You can get him more involved in the housework. You can keep
her from using your electric shaver on her legs. What do you want
your partner to change?
It is possible and not only that it takes only 3
Simple Steps.
I purposefully call them ‘Simple’ because… They
don’t require that you go and see a marriage counselor. They don’t
require that you spend tons of money. They don’t require that you do
delve into the dark crevices of the past. They don’t require masses
amount of reading or homework.
There are only 3 Steps so you don’t have complex
points and ideas to keep track of, only 3 easy to follow steps that
bring about significant change.
Change like getting your partner to… Pay more
attention to you than the TV. Pick up her clothes and put them in
the laundry hamper. Take out the trash when it’s his turn. Be more
romantic without faking it. Come home as promised. Remember
important events. Stay home more and go out with the girls less.
What do you want your partner to change?
But wait, that’s not the place to start, even
though we all do.
Step ONE, is about paying attention to the
positive, to what works in the relationship, and on what you love
about each other.
Step TWO, focuses on the troublesome
matters, the behaviors that need adjusting, and the irksome quirks.
Step THREE, is where you find solutions,
alternatives and ways to help reinforce the new attitude, action, or
words expressed.
Now we’ve all worked on replacing a bad habit with
a good one. From as tough a habit as giving up cigarettes to as
simple as saying, “Excuse me” and “Thank you”. If you’ll notice the
former states what needs to be given up while the latter focuses on
what needs to happen. An important difference!
One of the real secrets to ‘making’ your partner
change is to focus on what you want and not on what you don’t want.
Let me say that one more time. The real secret to ‘making’ your
partner change is to focus on what you want, not on what you don’t
want.
Try it out, you’ll be amazed and when you master
these three simple steps you too will be lounging peacefully on your
patio together enjoying true lasting bliss.
About the Author
Margrit Harris, Learn more about relationship
advice Margrit Harris, Your Relationship
Expert, is a former Team Relationship Consultant for First Union
Securities [now Wachovia], Morgan Stanley, small business owners and
professionals. She was a marriage and family therapist for several
years as well.
margrit@stratateam.com
Today Margrit provides Helpful Answers to Tough
Questions for Life and Business Relationships. Go to HELLO MARGRIT
for free online relationship help. Margrit writes articles for
Horsesmouth [an on-line service for financial advisors.] She is the
author of the ebook Can [I Make] My Partner Change?.
www.stratateam.com/AboutUs.asp |
