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Relationship
Your Marital Bank Account
By Brent Ulrich, Licensed Marriage Counselor
If you are like me balancing a checkbook is like
trying to run a marathon on your knees. I find it very difficult to
balance what I put in and what I took out. It doesn't always seem
worth the effort to have that dreaded accounting to be exactly
right. I figure as long as I put in more than I take out it will all
work out.
The same can be said of our marriages. The more
emotional deposits we make the better our relationship will be.
Author Gary Smalley, in his book, "Making Love Last Forever", states,
"To divorce-proof your marriage, be sure you are making more deposits
to the well-being of your spouse than withdrawals."
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Emotional Deposits
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How does a person do that? A deposit is anything
that raises your spouses esteem, anything that boosts her morale,
anything that will pick him up and elevate him to a higher level.
Its telling your spouse that you love her in the
middle of the day. Its a touch on the shoulder, an unexpected hug
and kiss. Its taking time out of your busy day to listen without
giving advice. Gifts, cards, phone calls, and time together are also
deposits.
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Emotional Withdrawals
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A withdrawal is anything that is negative,
anything that separates you and your spouse, anything that
alienates, causes division and distance. Withdrawals drain energy
from your relationship. It may be a negative word, ignoring needs,
lying, or anything that hurts the relationship.
As with your banking account the higher the
balance in your marital account, the better. The more deposits you
make, the more enriched your marriage will be.
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Your Spouses Definition
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The question to ask
yourself is, what makes a deposit or withdrawal to my spouse? Be daring enough to ask your spouse that question.
In order to truly make a deposit in their account it has to be
something your spouse values.
Just as my bank won't allow me to deposit Monopoly
money in my banking account, (believe me I have more of that than
the real stuff!), so a deposit won't be considered valuable unless
its important to your spouse.
What's the ratio of deposits and withdrawals? Its
been said that an average of five deposits must be made for each
withdrawal in order to keep the marriage account balanced.
If you make no deposits you will get no return. On
the other hand, if you are consistently making deposits you will not
only rejuvenate your spouse, but you'll also strengthen your
marriage.
Brent Ulrich is a Licensed Professional Counselor
in the State of Illinois. His educational background is in
professional counseling and theology. For more information go to: Brent's profile on LuminentCounseling.com
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