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Relationship
Improve Your Relationship By Taking Care of Yourself First
By Nancy Wasson. Ph.D.
It’s important for you to take care of yourself before you try to
fix your relationship. The old saying ‘You can’t give away what you
don’t have” applies here. Until you are peaceful and happy, you
won’t have a peaceful, happy relationship.
If you skip these steps and jump immediately into the murky
waters of your troubled relationship, you are at high risk for going
under. That’s why it’s so important to do all you can to stabilize
yourself before you get in over your head.
Before you confront core relationship issues, first follow these
two steps to increase your chances of success:
1. Commit to being okay no matter what happens
Make yourself a promise that you’re going to take good care of
yourself and be okay no matter what happens in your relationship.
If your happiness absolutely depends on your partner being a part of
your life, then you’ll feel fearful and powerless. As a result,
you’ll be more likely to engage in ineffective behaviors such as
begging and pleading.
The more this happens, the less your partner is to want to stay in
the relationship. Why is this?
One reason is that you will be perceived as emotionally needy and
dependent. Whatever someone else does for you will never be enough
because you’ll always want more from that person.
Your partner can sense this and will be afraid of being consumed by
your never-ending demands for attention and care.
Another reason is that it’s too heavy of a burden to feel totally
responsible for another person’s happiness. Most people want to run
the other way when that’s the case.
A partner who does try to be everything to the other person will
eventually feel resentment and anger at being put in such a
demanding position. And any sense of playfulness and fun, which is
so vital to an enduring relationship, will be snuffed out.
By showing respect for yourself and belief in your ability to
thrive whether in a relationship or not, you’ll be coming from a
place of empowerment and strength. These attributes attract others
and engender respect, making you a more desirable partner.
2.Commit to putting more fun in your life even when you’re
feeling miserable
Don’t wait until your relationship is perfect to plan fun
activities for yourself. Sign up for a community class to learn
about kayaking, gourmet cooking, or drumming.
Make a list of places in your town or a nearby one that you’d like
to visit. Branch out, learn new skills, and broaden your world.
When you’re active and having fun, you’ll be happier. An extra
benefit will be that you’ll also appear more attractive to your
partner. Individuals who are happy have a natural sex appeal that
draws others to them.
When you’re living life with gusto and a sense of adventure,
irregardless of the state of your relationship, your partner is more
likely to want to spend time with you.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to wait and see what
happens in your relationship before you take steps to create a more
satisfying life.
After all, would you rather spend time with someone who is miserable
and unhappy or with someone who is doing interesting, fun things and
enjoying life?
Enthusiasm and a sense of fun are powerful aphrodisiacs that attract
others like a magnet.
The more centered, balanced, and happy you are, the more you
increase the odds that you’ll be able to create a happy, healthy
relationship.
Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What
to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!"
The e-book is available at
http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com,
where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet
Magazine. Contact Nancy at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.
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