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Relationship
Five Types Of Marriages...Which Group Are You In?
By Beth Young, Senior Editor for
MarriageAdvice.com
There are a variety of different marriage "groups" out there. As you
discover your group, you will be better able to determine if it's
the group you want to be in for the rest of your life, or if some
adjustments are in order.
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Convenience Marriage
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When you got married, you were genuinely in love
with your spouse. However, as the years rolled by and your time was
taken up with jobs, children and other activities, you grew apart.
Now you are in a marriage of convenience.
You rarely see each other, and that's okay, but
you do wish you shared more than just the expenses of a household.
Just as it took time to grow apart, it will take
time to grow back together. Fear not, all is not lost if you are
willing to put forth the effort.
Start slowly by finding time to spend with each
other and rediscover how wonderful your spouse really is. Take an
interest in some of the things that interest your spouse, find some
common interests to develop with each other; just start spending
time together.
Look for opportunities to plan a special activity
or date that will help you get reacquainted.
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Abusive Marriage
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An abusive marriage is one where you are
physically or emotionally abuse by your spouse. In many cases, this
is a learned behavior from their childhood. Therefore, it can be
unlearned with a lot of counseling and love.
No one should be led to believe that they belong
in this group, everyone deserves a non-abusive marriage
relationship.
Work on getting help for you and the abuser. If
they are unwilling, then you need to get help dealing with the
situation. It's important to realize that if the abuse continues,
then your only choice may be to leave the relationship.
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Status Marriage
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"Didn't she marry well?" was heard by many of the
guests at your wedding when you have a marriage for status. Yes,
it's important to marry a man that will provide for your needs.
However, if you marry someone strictly for money or status and have
nothing else in common...you'll soon find that money isn't
everything.
What do you do if you fall in this group? It's
never too late to discover things about your spouse that will endear
your heart. Try to look for the good things your spouse does for
your and your children. Thank them for those good things and
encourage them to give of their time and not just things.
Take time to get to know your spouse and develop a
relationship that is based on deeper things.
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Invisible Spouse Marriage
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The invisible spouse marriage is one where you or
your spouse are so busy with either work or outside activities, that
you never see each other except passing at the front door...if that.
There are some jobs that require a lot of time
away from family. There are also people who give more time and
effort to their job than their family.
This may be due to a false sense of loyalty to
their employer or their desire to be the number one guy/gal at work.
Additionally, there are many great causes out
there to affiliate your time and talents with. However, if it is as
the expense of your spouse and family, then it's too great a cost.
Whatever the reason for your invisible marriage,
it's time to stop and figure out how to reduce your outside time and
increase your together time. At first it will seem like a great
sacrifice. Yet as you work together to figure out what things to
streamline and what things will help grow your marriage, you'll be
surprised at the joy that will return to your relationship.
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Enduring Marriage
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These are the marriages that we all dream of, the
ones where you see a sweet older couple hobbling down the sidewalk
hand in hand and smiling.
These marriages don't happen by accident, they
happen by positive, daily, consistent effort. It takes work to have
an enduring marriage. A marriage that will endure financial
hardship, illness, troubled children, heart breaks and more is
enduring because the couple gets through all these difficult times
by helping each other through them.
Rather than saying, "Why me?", they say, "Why not
me?" and work together to get through the current challenge. They
have the ability to get through these difficult times because the
have built up a storehouse of happy memories, experiences and they
trust each other to the end.
They have laughed together, cried together, played
together and worked together. They know they can always count on
each other and that is what makes and enduring marriage endure.
This marriage is possible for each one of us, if
we're willing to put forth the daily, weekly, monthly and yearly
effort.
So which group are you in...and do you want to
stay there? It's never too late to change groups...it just takes
love, courage and a willingness to try.
About the author. Beth Young is the Senior Editor of the leading
marriage advise web site, Marriage Advise.com. For more articles
related to strengthening your marriage go to http://www.marriageadvice.com.
MarriageAdvise.Com is a web site dedicated to a community of
husbands and wives who are working to create happy marriages that
last a lifetime.
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