|
Relationship
Keeping The Fire Lit In Your Relationship Or
Marriage
By Susie and Otto Collins
Here's an interesting question... Did you ever want to do something
and know that it would be good for you but you couldn't seem to find
the energy to actually do it?
Most of us have had that dilemma at one time or
another in our lives so we're pretty sure that you know what we are
talking about. This applies to a lot of different areas of our lives
such as home, work and especially our relationships.
We want more and yet somehow we have challenges
finding that energy that it takes to create more. Along those lines,
here's a great question from one of our newsletter subscribers that
puts into words the experience of a lot of couples.... "We both work
hard and have raised 3 kids to adulthood.
We are in good shape but are tired at the end of
the day/week. How do we find the energy to keep the fire lit so as
not to let the flame go out?" When the two of us were talking about
this question, a story from the famous motivational teacher Zig
Ziglar came to mind that we want to share to illustrate a point...
Imagine that someone comes to you and says that they are giving you
an all-expense paid dream vacation to somewhere that you've always
wanted to go.
The catch is that you have to be packed and on the
plane by 12 midnight tomorrow. So if this were truly the dream trip
of a lifetime for you, you were truly committed to going and you
were convinced the offer was real-- would you do what was necessary
to make sure you were ready to go? For example, would you find a way
to get off work for several days in that short of notice?
If you have children, could you either get your
children ready to go or find child care for them during the time
that you were away? What about that important meeting or
presentation at work?
Would you be able to re-schedule it or have
someone else do it? What about household chores? Could someone else
mow your grass or just forget about it until you returned?
The questions that you would face could go on and
on. If this is a trip of a lifetime (and someone else paid for it),
we're guessing that you would clear your schedule and re-arrange
your life so that you could take advantage of this opportunity. It
would be so important that you probably would do things that you
normally wouldn't do so that you could go.
This story is a great metaphor for your
relationships. It's what you focus on, make a priority and are
committed to having in your life that actually happens. Here's a
practical example from our lives of what we're talking about... One
of our goals for our marriage has been to constantly deepen our
connection with each other and to keep the "fire" lit.
One of the ways that we like to do this is by
reading books together and talking about the ideas that we find to
be pertinent to our lives.
For instance, these books can range from
philosophical / psychological ways of looking at life to very
practical tips on love-making. What we find is that while we
absolutely love to do this together, we also love to "veg" out in
the evenings in front of the television and the internet.
So at the first of this year, we agreed that we
would read, talk and connect with each other one or two evenings a
week after we stopped working for the day. This commitment to each
other is a conscious step for us to focus on what we want more of in
our lives--which is to keep our passion, love and connection
alive--rather than let "life" and other distractions dictate what
our priorities are.
Here are a few ideas if you are wanting to find
more time to rekindle and keep love alive in your relationship...
1. Decide what you truly want. If you want to keep
the "fire lit," then what does that mean to each of you? Talk about
how you both like your connection and relationship to be without
blame and without getting defensive. Be honest about what really
excites you.
2. Focus on your positive outcome. Get on
the same page, if possible, and hold that vision for how you'd like
to be together. You will have the energy to move toward what you
want if you just hold that as your vision for your life.
3. Make this a fun experience rather than
something that "should" be done. Remember the all-expense paid
vacation story?
It obviously wouldn't be worth your time and
energy to get everything in order before you left if the vacation
didn't promise to be filled with fun, excitement, relaxation or
whatever else you were after.
The same thing could be said for finding the time
for closeness and connection. It has to feel really good in order to
choose an activity that will bring you closer rather than one
requires nothing of you. Even tiredness seems to dissolve when the
rewards outweigh the allure of "vegging" out.
From our own lives and from observing the lives of
many people, we've found that you can make one of two choices: You
can allow others or circumstances to dictate the course of your life
or you can be a conscious creator of your life. The choice is yours.
Today and in every moment, we invite you to
consciously choose things that will keep the fire lit inside you,
whether for your relationship or for your life. Susie and Otto
Collins are Happily Married Relationship Coaches and Authors, who
are committed to helping other people create more conscious,
connected, loving relationships of all kinds.
To learn more about them go to
http://www.relationshipgold.com/
|
