In the early days of love it all seems so bliss filled
and romantic — and it feels like it will last forever.
Then you settle down, get married, create a home,
have kids and……where did the magic go!?
There’s so much to do, the errands never end,
the house always needs work, the kids are demanding,
and your love seems to have slipped away.
Or has it?
You wish you felt more connected. You wish it was
more like it was in the beginning when you couldn’t
get enough of being together. And perhaps you feel
overburdened and lonely doing the chores and making
a living and taking care of the kids and . . .
Well, please be kind to yourself, your partner, and your
relationship and check to see if you both feel the same
way. Chances are you do.
And chances are really good that because you’ve cared
enough to ask, this kindness will open new possibilities for
deciding to do more of the daily family maintenance and
caretaking–together!
Sure you may have different schedules. But surely you
can find some time when you BOTH fold the laundry
(while watching TV, perhaps!), pick out a new paint
color for the bathroom (even if one of you has to bring
home a bunch of swatches from the home deco store
and look them over late at night) or take the kids to the
birthday party together (even if you have to forego a
golf game or shopping trip just this once).
You may be thinking, big deal, it’s still a chore to do
that stuff. Yes, that’s true if you only hold on to a
worker-bee attitude.
But if you approach these tasks as ways to be kind and make life
more enjoyable, then you will be well on your way to finding the
daily romance in workin’ it out together.
Judith: Even if we seldom have company that will be
shown around our house (meaning they get to see our
bedroom on the second floor), we both make the bed
together nearly every morning.
We’ve remarked on how much this mundane kindness
reminds us of our care for each other and for our home.
Jim: Frequently one of us washes the dishes after dinner and the
other dries. The tasks may be menial but the bondedness of
consciously doing them together is revitalizing and endearing —
while making the work more fun!
So find just one thing you typically do alone and figure out how to
make it a form of daily kindness to yourselves and to your
relationship.
The practice of teamwork, a joint contribution to
being together, will allow you to trust one another more and create
new avenues of shared experience and discussion.
And be really kind and caring to yourselves. For example, include
your favorite snacks and good music if you’re doing something like
building a new fence, re-doing your flower beds, painting the house
or cleaning out the garage.
Be kind to one another and make it as fun as possible to to get the
work done–workin’ it out together!
*****
If you’re ready for more real romance in your everyday life, be sure
to check out Judith & Jim’s “Keeping Romance Alive” program. Just go to:
